Horseshoe Crab

Chad Love: Horseshoe Crabs and the TSA | Field & Stream

I stood there, smile frozen on my face, nervous sweat beading my forehead, watching the TSA screener. Suddenly her bored "I've seen it all" look disappeared. She hit a button. The conveyor stopped, then backed up, then stopped. She squinted at the screen, then looked at me. I kept smiling. She didn't. I expected blaring klaxons and Tasers. But without a word she turned away, the conveyor started up and out came my crab. Who knows what kind of havoc I could have wreaked with that crab, if I were so inclined. Look at the tail on that thing. It's like a dagger. And as such, I believe horseshoe crabs represent a major security flaw in the TSA screening process and should immediately be banned. Could you imagine a terrorist holding a horseshoe crab to the neck of a hostage as he attempts to take over a plane? Of course it's ludicrous. But you know what? It's no more ludicrous than the very real ban on carrying on fishing tackle. I have made numerous phone calls to the TSA and very patiently tried to explain that half-ounce spinnerbaits do not pose a national security risk, nor so crappie jigs, worm hooks or shad raps. But I still can't carry any of those items on a plane. Because they're metal and they're pointy. That point, so to speak, was driven home as my crab was emerging from the x-ray machine yesterday. The guy in front of me was in the process of having what looked to be a keychain nail file confiscated by a TSA employee. All in the name of safety. I grabbed my six-inch dagger-tipped horseshoe crab and walked by him, unnoticed and undetected, a ticking crustacean time bomb. Great job, Chad. Now the terrorists all know about this flaw in our defense. It's common knowledge that they monitor F&S. Soon there will be a huge attack by horseshoe crab & stingray barb wielding terrorists. Then the government will blame the media--that's you--and cancel the First Amendment. They'll probably cancel the Second Amendment too while they're at it just to make sure. Of course, you'll be arrested for conspiracy since it was your idea. They'll probably arrest me too because I know what a horseshoe crab looks like and I have the knowledge to turn one into a deadly terrorist weapon. Be afraid--be very afraid.